Wednesday, 2 January 2008

Undefeatable (1994)

If you are as much on the pulse of popular culture as I am, you may have seen this clip floating around on youtube. It is from a film called Undefeatable and if you are a fan of bad films, I implore you to check it out.

This film is directed by Godfrey Ho, and if you are a fan of terrible movies, you might recognise his name as being attached to about a million ninja-related films in the 80s. No ninjas here, folks. Just B-action star, Cynthia Rothrock, playing a waitress named Kristi Jones who engages in street fights on the side to put her sister through college. Awww. As soon as we learn of Kristi's noble goals we know her sister will suffer a tragic death at the hands of the killer is order to provide motivation. And she does, giving us a truly frightening display of emotion by Cynthia.

Nick DeMarco (John Miller) is a cop trying to put Kristi on the straight and narrow while on the hunt for the killer. Miller looks totally lost in every scene he is in, like he just stumbled onto the set and is desperately trying to look like he knows what he is doing.

Nick is probably the worst cop in the world. When his leads run dry he gives up and heads down to the gym with his partner to run through some sweaty kung fu routines. No rush guys, just a serial killer on the loose. The only reason he finds the killer in the end is because Kristi's sister's college professor just so happens to be the killer's wife's psychologist. Wow, what a lucky break!

The true star of the film is the guy playing Stingray (the villain), Don Niam, or rather, Don Niam's mullet. When he is on the screen you can't take your eyes of his glorious mane of raven curls. There is really no excuse for this permed monstrosity, since the film was made in 1994. Stingray has some serious abandonment issues. His mother left him as a little boy, and when his wife leaves him it sends him over the edge. I mean, all he did was rape her while fantasizing about one of his sweaty deathmatches. You've got to work at a marriage, lady! Nothing left for Stingray to do except spray twin red streaks in his mullet and murder everyone who looks vaguely like his wife. He is also fond of popping out eyeballs and keeping them in his fishtank, leading to an ironic death and an awesomely bad post-mortem one-liner from Cynthia.

Frankly, this film is ten kinds of awesome.

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